Mercy Amongst Bretheren

27 May 09

People sin. People Struggle. People Fall and hopefully when they do they will lift themselves up off the ground and shake off their sins and continue the struggle.

I pray that I can follow these directions within my own soul. God knows I struggle and I fail rather horribly. The hard part for me is enacting mercy amongst others who are in the same (general) boat of sinfulness as I. I understand that we are to forgive others 70 times 7 when they wrong us. That I am clear on. At the same time we have been instructed to deal differently with those who obstinately fight against the teachings of the Church. What do we do with this sort?

Add another area of struggle to the mix. What do you do when said struggle is between the Church and a 18 year old soul who is BRAND NEW to the life of the Church and they come ot Her with a great struggle of self Will and self image. They see themselves and recognize and refer to themselves by their illness, their sin, and as such, through their own choosing, their struggle is between themselves and their very nature attached to a world that tells them that his sin is natural. It IS who he is and there is nothing wrong with it and he SHOULD identify himself as such because it gives him power and authority.

He is 40 days within the walls of the Church and he is talking again (for the 4th time) of leaving the enclave of Salvation because he feels that he is not understood and the struggle is too hard and no one understands and noone supports him. How can we, as Orthodox Christians, believing what we believe to be the Truth of the Faith, say that these things are acceptable and tell him that no matter what he can live this life without consequence?

How do you tell someone that does not think that anyone understands his situation that there are those that do, and that they are willing to help him? How can you get past the wall of pride that is put up in defense of his sinful nature, saying that there is nothing wrong with it all? AND, how do you do it in a manner that does not cause him to run for the door? I realize that the Scriptures gis us a pretty clear distinction on how to handle these things..

“Confront them personally, then bring a witness, and then bring it to the Church. If they do not listen to the church, treat them as you would an unbeliever.”

The thing is, that, over the course of the past year, this has been time and time again and there is a paper trail to prove it (as if one were needed.)

How do you offer healing to a soul that does not think they are sick? You cannot force feed healing to a sick person. They have to see the state of their soul and WANT the healing of the Church. What if they are not at this point? What do you do with them? Do we place the salvation of the many against the struggles of the one? Which is more important? Does that even matter? What should be done if the words of the one could cause the others to stumble?

What a life, what a struggle. Fiat voluntas tua.

Memories Are Made of This

25 May 09

It is odd to me how sometimes there is a song or a show that can have such a great impact on you because it manages to evoke memories of the past. Maybe not directly, but then again, at times it is so close to reality that you can almost taste it.

“Glee” is a new series due to hit the FOX network this coming Fall and for some strange and still yet unknown reason they aired the pilot this past week. I caught it on Fancast the day after it aired and after about 10 mins. I was hooked.

The premise is a high school Spanish teacher tried to put the school’s once prestigious Glee club back on the musical map and the joys, sorrows and struggles of both he and the kids encounter and endure from the school’s elites. (Read: Jocks) There is more that can be sad as far as plot goes, but as they say, seeing is believing.

I was one of the off types in High School. I was into the music scene and loved choir, show choir, Spring musicals and all that went with it so this show sort of hit a spot with me that resonated through my entire being. I’ll write more as the season goes on (in the Fall, stupid teasers) about the parallels of the show and my experiences for sure.

All in all I think it is going ot be a great show. I was a bit worried when I saw that it was from the same guy that came up with Nip/Tuck… but how bad can they screw this up? (Please FOX, Don’t make me eat these words…)

Until next time.. fiat voluntas tua!

Back From The Dead

24 May 09

Man, thank God that is over. I have been sick for the past 2 days and let me tell you, it was not fun at all. I am not sure what it was, but it was bad. I was in and out of bed all day yesterday and then went to lay down yesterday afternoon about 4PM and woke up again at 3AM… and promptly returned to bed. I slept for most of today and after breaking about 3 fevers I think it is finally done with. Thank God. I missed Church today and that was a bummer.

The funny thing is that as much as I have slept over the past 48 hours I am still a bit tired. I found this video tonight posted by a friend of mine on Facebook, Abbot Tryphon. I think it is a really great video and I pray for the intercessions of Evgeny Rodionov daily, a modern day martyr for the Truth of Christ!

Cabin Fever

22 May 09

I has it. And with me not leaving the state of CA for another month I am not sure how I am going to manage. I still have no work and have not heard from any of the jobs I have previously applied for, in terms of a job I can do to tide me over til I get to AZ. It is very hard for me to stay here with nothing to show for it. No money, no job, nothing to do and in the end nothing to help me with my transition except for money that I have to borrow from the in-laws.

I have said many times that I am grateful for the help that they have given us while we were here in CA, but there comes a point where a man has to stand on his own two feet and be able to support his family without support from others. I am not saying that if we fall on hard times we are made to suffer, but there comes a point where a man has ot exist on his own or there is no point to existing. Not to mention it is not fair to my wife and daughter for us to have to live like this. If I can not provide for them then who am I?

I know it is only a matter of thirty days, but that is a long time when you have nothing to hold you over. I am trying to think of a way to make some money to hold me over, but it seems impossible to do from this state. It is just so hard to be on he brink of something great when you are forced to wait for the chips to fall into place. I’m trying to be patient, I really am, it’s just that I want my family to be supported and happy, that is my primary concern.

Well, I guess at this point, that is all I can do, wait and pray, Fiat Voluntas Tua.

Answers and Alternatives

21 May 09

Well, on one hand we are one step closer to a schedule for my departure and in the other hand we still gotta fill in some blanks on the how and when of this wondrous little riddle.

I got an email from Juli today after I emailed her about the possibility of working this summer and the response I got was not as promising as I had hoped. It seems they filled the needed positions for the first session of the program, but there might be positions open for the 2nd session. In July…

This would not be so much of a bummer, except it means we are a month behind on the relocation plans for me and a month later on the plans for Rach to move. The 2nd session starts the first week in July… which means I will miss Rach’s birthday (which I would have if I got into the first session, but I had hoped if I got the 2nd session it would not miss it. Grr..

I am also really looking forward to putting things together in Tempe and the longer I have to wait the more her parents have to pay for and at this point the price for all of this is going up more and more.

  • Rent for the months we remain in the apartment
  • Storage space for our stuff til Rach makes the move out to Tempe
  • U-haul with Hitch, mileage etc.
  • Bus ticket to Tempe July or Aug.

See, and yet again here we are in a place I do not want to be.  I am so tired of having other pay for me to exist. If I were to add all those expenses up it would be a few thousand dollars. This is not good. The hardest point in all of this for me is that there is nothing that I can do about it at this point. The job is the lifeline for me at this point and until that falls into place I’ve gotta stay here and do… something…

Oh well, we will see. Juli is on vacation til Tuesday (I forgot that Mon. was a holiday, bad me,)  and then hopefully Thursday she and Linda will call and then at least things as far as Fall will be solidified and she said that she will look at the 2nd Session roster and see if there is a need for more help and if there is I can slip into a position and then I will be moving in July.

The only thing that could save my life at this point is if I get a call from In-N-Out and they will hire me for a month. I feel bad going and taking a position for a month only to leave, but I need to start doing something before I die completely.

Oh well, tomorrow we are taking Gremlin to the zoo and so I shall have a more upbeat and happy blog for you all. Until then, fiat voluntas tua!

Orthodox Videos

20 May 09

There are many that pass judgment on the Orthodox Church knowing nothing of it, only knowing what they think they know about Catholicism and not liking that. This is a sad place to be, but people of this sort exist.

For those that would be serious inquirers or those who have a love for Orthodoxy I shall also post videos I have found on YouTube.

If you do not understand the language that is of no consequence. The images (or in most cases, translations I provide) will suit best.

The first is a video of a hymn to the Mother of God called “Rejoice Thou Unwedded Bride.” It is a prayer beloved by the Orthodox and is usually chanted daily, but is a special part of the Lenten preparations. I know we are not in Lent, but my love for this hymn and for this video force me to share it with you.

If you wish to see the text in English you can get a copy of it here. It is in Adoe PDF format, you can get Adobe Reader here for free if needed.

Patience is a…

20 May 09

Pain in the butt!

If there is one thing I need to work harder at in my spiritual walk, that thing would be patience. It is something that I struggle with on a daily basis. Some times are better than others, but all in all it is a very difficult battle. It seems even more apparent in this transition I am in.

Last week I sent a few emails to Juli about the job and then Friday I called her and she had said she would either email me or call me this week to chat with her and the teacher I would be working with. That was Friday. Today is Wednesday. The impatience is getting the better of me.

This is the last piece in the puzzle that is the relocation situation. We decided this is what we were going to do, we talked it over with the in laws, we even got out of our lease with the landlord.. the last part of this is figuring out when I am going to go out there and start working.

I just hate that at this point in the situation I am left to do little to nothing until I hear something since school is over and the in laws are still out of town and we are house sitting with not a lot of money to do anything so I sit at home with periods of mental freedom, but then I look at the clock and the mountains of questions and emotions boil to the surface.

I wish they would call so that I could focus my mind on the next phase which is the actual packing and planning stage. That is hard ot do when you don’t have a good or realistic time table.

Oh, well, this too is a test from God ot strengthen me. I just hope I have not failed too miserably so far.