At the Gates of Repentance

17 January 10

Well, apparently we are there again. Zaccheus Sunday a.k.a. The gates of Repentance a.k.a. the pre-beginnings of Lent.

I did not figure it would come up so quick. Talk about totally unprepared.

Welcome (Back) to the Dark Side

14 January 10

Well. After a short stint in insanity. I have returned to the land of cookies and normality. I am yet again a history major. I dropped that other retarded class. Saved some money. Did a little dance and then poured some milk.

Other than that, just crazy life being crazy, but tonight is choir so all is getting back to normal. Yay!

More tomorrow. About to get off at Thomas and Scottsdale and walk the 4 blocks to work. Enjoy!

Life is A Struggle

13 January 10

If it wasn’t a struggle, what would be the point in the end?

True Colors

12 January 10

Ok, so I cheated on the title. I am on the bus yet again, at the Sycamore and Main station waiting for the “ahead of schedule” bus to get me to work.

We had our monthly staff meeting last night. It was, overall, a good meeting. I took a lot of notes LOL. Well, we were talking about the new school and the potential staffing needs and the Directress made the statement that we will only have one Intern position next year. Well, that’s all well and good, except that’s my position title and I donmt see a way for that to change at this point. I won’t have my BA by next year and I am not in training (yet) so I am sorta freaked out.

I wrote the directress last night and sort of laid it on the line. Asked what I could do to help my standings, suggested an afterschool music program to sort of “sell myself” in the new school next year. I am waiting for her to get back to me and see what she says. Glory to God in All Things!

Techno Toddler

9 January 10

Just a short post tonight. I am amazed at my daughter. 2 years old and somehow she has managed to learn how to use my touch screen phone better than she should. LOL!

She sat on the bed tonight at bed time watching YouTube videos, changing musical tracks on my MP3 player, trying to make calls, all from my phone!

I love my little gremlin, but it is amazing how this little Sponge of mine is sucking up information and concepts faster than I ever imagined. Wow. I think I have a video of her messing with my phone on my digital camera, I’ll have to upload it and add it here.

My 7 Years (And Still Counting) War

7 January 10

Well. As I sit here on this bus, headed into work I am reminded of where I was 7 years ago today. My three year search ended and I found my eternal home. I write these words as if this journey was easy, or as if the transition was seamless. Transition? As if it was anywhere near over..

Baptism and Holy Illumination are only the beginning. Its after this that the war begins and does not end until we do. The story of the journey I have made was on an older blog in 2 posts. I still have it, but do not know if it is worth moving over. I am not the same person I was then. Not even close and not in a good way.

I almost gave up. I almost walked away, but what would that have gained me? “Where would we go? For Thou hast the words of eternal life.” I think back at that time and see who I was and who I wouls want to be again, and I know the work in store for me, but it is totally worth it unto salvation.

I look back on this day. Even though there are things I know now that I did not know then, but the journey to get to this point has taught me so much more and I have to believe that that was the essential purpose. I now have to take these things I have learned and apply them in real and concrete ways to life and to the struggles I am up against.

Lord Jesus Christ. Son of God, Have mercy on me the sinner.

Helplessness in Christ

6 January 10

About our helplessness without Christ the Lord

Because without me youcan do nothing” (St. John 15:5).

Our Lord did not have the habit of speaking in terms of exaggeration. No words in this world are weighed more than His words. When He says that we can do nothing without Him, then that must be taken and understood literally. Here, He speaks of good and not of evil. We can do no type of good work without Christ, aside from Christ and contrary to Christ. He is the proprietor, the giver and the inspirer for all good. No type of good stands outside Him, likewise no type of evil is contained in Him. Our Lord said, ” I am the Vine, you are the branches” (St. John 15:5). What can the branches do without the vine? Can they grow and bring forth fruit? No, they can do nothing but become firewood.

Man can think as hard as he wants, but he cannot conceive of one truthful good which is not in Christ and which does not stem from Christ. If someone were to say that he does good and humane works outside of Christ, you know that those, his works, are spoiled to the core and are corroded, be it from vanity or be it from hidden selfishness. Man, without Christ, is the same as branches without the vine. He Himself told us this. The vine is hidden and unseen, but the branches are seen. Nevertheless, the grapes on the branch and the branch itself depends on the vine. The vine of all-encompassing good grows from the heart of God the Father and is watered by the sweetness of the Holy Spirit. O Triune Lord God, have mercy on us and save us!

More Filler

5 January 10

I dunno I have had several experiences yesterday that seem to have been a continuation of the blog I posted.

At the end of the day yesterday I sat watching two of the ladies I work with work through a work called “The Snake Game.” In trying to work through this work with them it became even more apparent to me what I wanted to do.

I want to train in Montessori. I want to learn how to be better, more effective, and more of a help at my job. I try to do this in small ways whilst I am there each day, but it is hard to do when there are things I do not know how to do because it has been 25 years since I have been a part of a Montessori classroom. I really want to be more active in my classroom. I just need to figure our a way to do it.


5 January 10

I am at lunch and just thinking about life in general. With school, work, schoolwork and life in between, things are super hectic.

Life is crazy, finances are strangling us, but we are trying to live day by day in trust and faith. As hard as that is sometimes.

I am bored with college. This is attempt #5. Maybe college is not for me. What would I rather do? I would rather focus on the Church services and put my spiritual life back together. To me that is more important than AZ/US Government.. how do you assuage your soul is a world that is trying to destroy it?

Oh, lunch break is over. More later.

About Pride

2 January 10

Pride goes before disaster,and a haughty spiritbefore a fall” (Proverbs 16:18).

Of all that exists on the four corners of the earth, what, O mortal man, can make us proud except stupidities and demonic illusions. Did we not enter into the world naked and wretched and are we not going to depart this world in the same manner? Everything that we have, did we not borrow it; and by our death, are we not going to return everything? Oh, how many times has this been said and overheard? The wise apostle says, “For we have brought nothing into the world, just as we shall not be able to take anything out of it” (I Timothy 6:7). And, when we offer sacrifice to God of ordinary bread and wine, we say, “Thine own of Thine own, we offer unto Thee” (Divine Liturgy of St. John Chrysostom). For nothing that we have in this world is ours: not even a crumb of bread nor a drop of wine; nothing that is not of God. In truth, pride is the daughter of stupidity, the daughter of a darkened mind, born of evil ties with the demons.

Pride is a broad window through which all of our merits and good works evaporate. Nothing makes us so empty before men and so unworthy before God as does pride. When the Lord is not proud, why should we be proud? Who has more reason to be proud than the Lord, Who created the world and Who sustains it by His power? And behold, He humbles himself as a servant, a servant to the whole world: a servant even to the death, to the death on the Cross!

O humble Lord, burn up within our hearts the devil’s sowing of pride with the fire of Your Holy Spirit, and plant within it the noble sowing of humility and meekness.