2010: Where We Go From Here

I am back. I considered starting another blog for the new year, but sadly, we can not start life over as the years go by, so why do that with a blog. The new year will bring for me many new things. In many ways, the new year has already started. I am a year older as of September, my Talia is now 2 years old as of December 30th. I can not believe it. My baby is 2! Wow!

In the past year so many wonderful, amazing, and absolutely wonderful people have come into our lives as a family, and into my life as a person. It has been a great year and I hope that this trend continues. Even more than that I can only hope and pray that I can be that type of person for them as well. We will see. The Johnsons… what can i say, they are amazing. They have become like family for us and there is no way we could ask for anything more than the love and acceptance that they offer to us without any reciprocation, as much as we try to be that for them as well. Our Church family is amazing as well. We love them and hate to miss them for our weekly visits, otherwise known as Liturgy. Choir practice, the visit of the bishop this past November (which I purposely refrained from blogging about, sorry.), Nativity was a true blessing. Just a great year over all.

The world talks of resolutions, and promises we will never ever keep, but that’s all good, because we have next year. For some reason, it has become increasingly apparent to me that we may not. I may not. This is not meant to alarm anyone, these are just empty words and even emptier speculations.. but there really is no guarantee that we will be awake in the morning. What if we are not? I don’t know, I think about these things at random times. We plan for things to always be the same. Money will come, we will use the money for a car, for a new apartment in July/August, we can do this, and we will do that. Will we? Who knows. God does, but He doesnt give us a calendar to work with. We forget this and we are pulled from this remembrance by the world.

The thought that is attached to this previous one is, how prepared am I for the first thought to come to fruition? At all? To any degree? Am I doing anything I am supposed to? Am I following the Gospel and the Great Commission? Am I living a life worthy of being called a Christian, let alone an Orthodox Christian. “To whom much is given, much is required.”

During Holy Week we sing a multitude of hymns to remind us of this truth. Here are a few:

Holy and Great Monday: Troparion, tone 8: Behold, the Bridegroom is coming in the middle of the night, and blessed is the servant whom He shall find awake and watching, but unworthy is he whom He shall find idle and careless. Beware, then, my soul, lest thou be weighed down with sleep, lest thou be given up to death and shut out of the Kingdom. But awake and cry: Holy, Holy, Holy, art Thou, O God: through the intercessions of the Bodiless Ones, save us.

Holy and Great Tuesday: Kontakion, tone 2: Realizing the hour of reckoning, O my soul, and fearing tlie cutting down of the fig tree, work diligently with the talent that has been given thee O wretched one. Watch and pray that we may not remain outside the bride chamber of Christ.

Holy and Great Wednesday: Kontakion, tone 4: I have sinned more than the harlot, O Good One, and I come to Thee with none of her showers of tears. But praying in silence, I fall down before Thee and lovingly embrace Thy immaculate feet, that as the Lord Thou mayest grant me forgiveness of sins as I cry to Thee, O Saviour: Deliver me from the mire of my evil deeds.

My soul responds to music. This is what drew me to the Truth of Orthodoxy. The same is the case for Holy Week as well as the Mysteries of the Faith. These hymns hold great meaning for me and at the same time they are a rude awakening to the sad reality of my state. I need to get back on track. Big time. I have let myself get so far from where I should be that the few times this thought has crossed my mind I have been dense enough to think that I am too far gone and what is the point of trying. How dumb I am.

I must continue to walk. I must walk forward. I must run faster and work harder in order to reach the goal with a lamp full of oil and a garment in order that I might enter into the marriage feast. If this is what I want, (and it is), then I must work at it and I must give it my all. If I lose this what is there left to gain in its place? Nothing worth it.

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