The past twenty four hours have been interesting to say the least. No explanation is needed for those who understand, but after everything is said and done it has left me with a rather interesting sense of clarity. This clarity has enveloped several different aspects of my life. Below I shall endeavor to explain things as well as I can..
- Here/There: The more I look at the different facets of this situation I realize that this is the right decision to make. Nothing more needs to be said here other than the clarity I have not this topic is a lot clearer after the events that occurred.
- Us: I had a realization today that there is a rather specific reason that wet ave gone through “rollercoasters” overt the past 10 years. The fact of the matter is that over that period of time I personally have gone through stages where I tried very much, fought for much, attempted to make things better, and then there were times where I lost hope and struggled with the idea of whether or not we could make things work with all of the dysfunction we seemed to have.
After everything that has happened ver the past six months it has become abundantly clear to me that this is where we were meant to be. No matter the troubles or the struggles, the end result has always been the same. Call it destiny or fate, of the idea that we “match”, no matter our struggles and our fallings and failings here we are. Add to that the sense of clarity and “acceptance” of all of this last night. We have talked about this all before, but I think after the events that occurred it just sort of cemented it in my head.
We are in a place now where we have come through all of the storms and we can see the sunrise and the sunset and be at peace with past and present while planning and preparing for the future. The fact of the matter is that everything we do has to be a choice. The realization I came to is that theosis and marriage require the same struggle and purposeful work. It is a choice every day. Look for the good, look for the positive, make changes and make the effort for things to be and look like what you want. We have done this at times, but we always manage to stop doing it for some reason. We get comfortable and we think that there is no more reason to try or to work. The truth of the matter is that we need to make it a daily thing.
We said we wanted to do night prayers and make it a part of our daily life. It has taken us a long time to actually make the effort consistently to do this and to add it to our already hectic lives, but it has been a great growth for us to do this. Our marriage as a whole is the same thing. We need to start small. Find something we want to try and change. Something small. Something we can add in and schedule. A weekly date night where we have a babysitter planned rather than last-minute looking for someone. Decide we want to go to a munch or a slosh on a monthly basis and actually do it. After that we can add other things. One thing, one event, one change at a time to strengthen the work we have started. I like where we are and I do not want this to be a honeymoon phase type of thing where we are good for a month or a few and then t all sort of disintegrates because we do not make the consistent, constant effort. A lot of this is going to take consistent, constant communication on both of our parts to understand the wants and needs of the other person, but with the other aspects of our relationship that we have recently added we should be doing that anyways. I want stability and roots and consistency and structure, and i think that through everything, through the last almost 10 years, in all that time, this is the best time for this to happen and I look forward to the future we have started to create. I think once we are home again we will finally have things in a place where we can learn and grow and have things better than we could have ever thought possible.
- Everything Else: Last night was nuts. That all there is to that. Holy hell. However, in the end I am glad for the clarity.